What are your signs when it's over?
When you love someone and they leave - when is it time to move on? I have been finding it increasingly difficult lately to move forward in dating when my ex- is in the back of my head haunting me. I have been listening to Sinead O'Connor's "Nothing Compares to U" - and I want the insanity to stop. When I don't listen to it, it is on perpetual loop in my head...
The two lines in the song that gets to me the most are:
"I can put my arm around every boy I see, but they'd only remind me of you."
and
"All the flowers that you planted mama in the backyard have all died and withered away"
*sigh*
So I spoke with my friend Rachel tonight between watching Oscars and chatting about my nagging thoughts about my ex- and she was able to offer me the following thoughts:
1. Try to get over it and move on.
2. If someone doesn't want you, why are you holding on to it? They don't want you in this moment, you should let it go.
3. It doesn't mean anything that you are not being desired.
My own interpretation of her comments is about attachment and giving up being attached or commited to an outcome. Why would I want to focus my energy on someone who doesn't want to focus their energy on me?
Unfortuantely while my head knows that, my heart feels differently. Will someone please hit me with the reality stick?
I do know that I am tired of listening to Sinead O'Connor in my head - and it is messing up any chances I have of meeting anyone else - and ultimately wasting my time - and causing me to miss out on life going on around me.
So I know my signs are there that it is time to move on...
What are your signs that it's time to move on? How do you move on when there is so much history and comfort together? I really want to know!
Comments
just think that if you 2 are meant to be, you'll end up together again someday no matter what.
it's a given how we get stuck on hang ups after, you can allow yourself to be on that state, but don't let it go on for long...
moving on doesn't mean you stopped loving the person, but it means you just let the person go on, to let him/her be happy, and you should be happy for the person too.
it really is a difficult thing... that's what i'm also going through... but i decided to move on... i still allow myself to be on that "hang up" state, but i try to kick back to reality.
time will heal the wounds...
i know you'll feel better sooner or later.
It's wickedly painfully hard.
And I think there's something about time that makes you forget all the reasons you shouldn't or couldn't be with the person. Time can sometimes make it worse because the things you keep replaying in your head are all the wonderful, delicious good things. At least for me.
I've found that just telling myself to "move on" doesn't work either. It's like saying over and over and over "don't think about how much that tooth hurts". It only serves to make you think how freakin' horrible that pain in your tooth is. It's so painful, it might be cancer of the jaw...it's might be deadly...it's the worst possible tooth pain anyone can possibly endure...how the hell can I just "forget about it!!!"
Replaying each and every reason you and he would never work, all the bad shit that happened, all things you didn't get out of the relatonship might help...but there's nothing like finding someone new to lessen the regret and the incessant "what if" "if only" "oh why why why"? loop in my head.
But hell, WTF do I know? I usually have gone back with each and every ex and tried it once again...and again...and again...until I learn every stanza of the negative version of Nothing Compares To You and I move on.
Hugs sister Stacy. There's lots of wonderful possibilities in front of you. Don't settle for memories.
I was in the same dilemma, too. The memories I have of my ex are painful. I kept thinking about the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and if only I could erase those memories I wouldn't hurt so much and I could move on. But if I did that, I'd never learn anything from the relationship like why it didn't work out or why that person isn't right for me.
So, eventually I just decided to go on dates as a crash course to myself that there are other people out there. Lots of people in fact and there are many more opportunities for another relationship.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.