Dating at MATCH.COM

All the snow from the winter of my soul has almost melted so I thought it would be a good time to get my feet wet in the dating pool. I have spent over a year depressed, angry, and even in fits of rage followed by a torrential downpour of tears.  Something had to give.  I stopped crying and I started running, doing yoga and eating better.  Then I started seeing a therapist, and I began feeling better letting out all the emotional pain.  Suddenly I had energy and focus and tenacity again!  The choice was clear - time to get back out there and start dating again.

I have learned alot about myself, my dating preferences and who I feel would be the best match for me to date.  One of the things I became aware of is that I am not good at meeting people.  I knew this and somehow "magically" forgot, but sitting at home with free time and nothing to do I realized that the phone wasn't ringing and my email was empty so I needed to start somewhere.

First I tried the bars - what a waste of my time.  I am introverted so I rarely go up to people and start conversations.  With music blaring, shirtless men capturing all attention and flowing beer as my competition - I was truly at a loss. I went home and went to bed.

Next - I got a few books on *gay dating* which I find funny since the process is the same as *straight dating* and even harder.  In the past - at least from what I remember, gay men that find a mutual attraction quickly sleep together and call it a relationship.  Well I realized that shy people need an avenue to meet quality people so I naturally turned to the internet.

My first stop in cyberspace was the gay.com website - which yielded childish responses from "men" who instant messaged me with head games, promises of hookup (so not my style), and a real lack of substance.  I was disenfranchised so I quickly cancelled my profile and posted my profile on yahoo.com, date.com, match.com, chemistry.com and even okcupid.com. 

Ultimately match.com is the only site so far to prosper any dates for me.  I met Robert (49) and a retired fireman.  Then I met Bryan (33) who is a high school counselor and works at Banana Republic.  I met Amit (28) who lives in Virginia.  Sergio (37) is still married and seperated from his wife and has a 3 yr. old son.  Craig (46) lives in Tucson.  Jesus (42) is a designer and owns his own business.

So far Bryan bailed out after the first date in high hopes of dating someone else he is connecting with.  Robert and I cannot seem to connect and I am frankly not that interested.  Amit is in the US for a year before he goes home, but he has been interesting to talk with.  Sergio and I had one date and while we are complimentary it seems like we both would need time apart before we could pursue serious dating.  Jesus and I started talking and have yet to go on our first date.  Craig and I have talked a few times each week, and have gone on two dates, but there are some red flags going up - finally. 

I have learned not to sleep with my dates for at least 6 weeks to 3 months.  I know it is a long time, but I am clear that compatibility reveals itself before sexual feelings get in the way.  I have also learned that I need someone as emotional as I am when it comes to making decisions.  I want someone more structured and practical than I am either introverted or extaverted.  I have other "must haves" but I will reserve them for another post.

Overall, the hardest part about dating is that I have to let go of the anger over my ex - and move forward with an open conversation, honest heart and ruthless personal integrity.  I won't give up so easily as I have a long journey ahead of me.